Autism & Friendships

One thing about me is that I’m VERY friendly…. to the point that it does become socially awkward and people will try and avoid me. One thing that makes me feel so overwhelmed is hearing new friends promise me that they understand and would never stray away when things get weird. Almost every single time, that ends up being an empty promise because as soon as my autistic traits start to show, they suddenly can’t handle it and walk away. Without mentioning any names, I’m going to go into a situation that occurred. So a few months ago when the pandemic started, I made a new friend. She promised she’ll always be myself and swore up and down that she understood me. Well, I started making masks for people and I had a big mask order to complete. She wanted me to make one for her mom for free since she was an essential worker. Since she was a good friend of mine, I was going to do it for free BUT I told her I needed to get the paid orders out the way first. That’s where the misunderstanding came along. Since I have autism, I have a set way of doing things. I have to do things in the exact order I had planned it out to be in my head. She wanted me to make her mask first and my brain told me to get the paid order done out the way first. She then said she’ll just pay me so I can do it first. But still, I wouldn’t get to hers until the first order was done because I had to do it in order. She got upset and made me out to be a bad friend and eventually blocked me on Facebook. It’s very hard to persuade me to do something a different way. I don’t like change of routine. Things have to be done my way or I won’t be able to function. I wish she knew I didn’t mean to be a “bad friend”. I just can’t change the way I do things. Just a simple research on google, and she would have known this to be a fact even though I already had explained my autism several times because I wanted to make sure I was understood correctly. But still she managed to misunderstand me and now we aren’t friends. It made me sad and even though it’s been a few months, I still find myself questioning why our friendship had to end like that. It makes me feel even more shitty because I just want friends who understand me and don’t fault me for my autistic traits. I don’t intentionally do things to upset people. I just process everything in a different way than everyone else. This is just one instance and there’s many more I’ve experienced as far as failed friendships. I felt compelled to post on Facebook not too long:

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PSA‼️

Please read up about autism BEFORE you decide to make empty promises to me about always being my friend and not running away when things get weird. I noticed people are fine when I say I have autism but as soon as my autism traits start to show, suddenly people don’t wanna be my friend anymore because they often misunderstand me or misinterpret my actions and the way I do things. As an autistic person, all I want is acceptance and love. If you’re going to be quick to disappear on me, please don’t bother calling yourself my friend and letting me get attached. It really breaks my heart that it’s so complicated for me to maintain friendships. 💔

jessicasautismjourney #lifewithautism #autismawareness #ASD #autism #autistic

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I really hope that post reached people in ways that will help them understand me and never jump to conclusions and ending the friendship. I felt like doing this blog because I wanted to vent and make it known just how hard it is for autistic people to make friends. I have a fear that automatically sets in every time a new friend makes a promise to me because I just don’t know if it’s empty or genuine. Please, if you’re going to be my friend, always keep in mind that I have autism.

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